Joseph just broke my heart. In tears he came to me saying "Mommy sometimes I feel like you are nicer to the other kids than you are to me" Now, I know where it was coming from... he was told that he couldn't play a video game until he finished his school work for the day. That wasn't what he wanted to hear. And he was corrected for the attitude he had in responce to my "school first" announcement. So, I know why he said what he did, but that just barely made his comment any easier. I don't EVER want my children to feel like I love one of them more than another. Because I don't. While Adaiah is cute in all of her baby dimples and toothless smiles, I love her just as much as I love Hannah and the boys. While Nehemiah's dimples can melt the coldest of hearts and his words are sweet to my ears, I love him no more than his sisters or Joseph. Hannah has a love for "her boys" that makes me smile and an independance streak that is bittersweet. Joseph has such a desire to obey. (though he doesn't always choose to do so) He loves to help. He loves his younger siblings (and the fact that they are younger!) He can make anyone laugh. I love them all the same. ALL of that said, some days it is easier to get along with one child instead of another. Some days independance is not what I want to deal with. Some days one of the kids and I just do not get along. That doesn't change my love for them. But how do you show that? How do you show that no matter what is happening, what naughty thing might have taken place, no matter what school book still needs to be read, what tv is turned off mid show... when actions don't feel so loving, that love is in fact the motivator?
2 comments:
I feel your pain on this. I think sometimes we have to realize that they're just not going to get it. At their young ages, they're not always going to realize that love is the motivator. It's just like the old parental saying when applying a...ahem...certain form of discipline, "This hurts me more than it hurts you." Did we understand that when we were young? No way! Do we get it now? Yep.
Thanks for being real enough to admit that sometimes, it's just easier to get along with one child than another. But overall, it's obvious that your love for each one is deep and abiding - no matter what.
Joseph will understand that someday. :)
Oh Honey. :( I think Davene had good advice. And while Joseph certainly doesn't understand yet, someday he will. I will admit though, that it might be hard to always be the "oldest." and that sometimes our expectations of the oldest child are very different than the other kids and they pick up on those things. They are "different" they are "the oldest." I know that Michael has called me on it more than once on being over-strict or responding differently to E. It CERTAINLY doesn't mean I love him any less, but I'm trying to be more aware of my responses as well, because E interprets them differently than their true intent. Joseph KNOWS you don't love the others more than him, he was just upset, but it still hurts (you and him), and his understanding of that will grow with time. Good luck sweetie. Love you!
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